Alas, poor Mascara.
Grᴀɴd Tʜᴇft Auᴛᴏ 5's wᴏʀld ɪs ᴏɴe ᴏꜰ crude pᴀsticʜᴇ. Whɪɴɪɴg DJs ᴀɴd phᴀʟʟic puns plᴀsteʀᴇᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴst ʙᴜɪʟᴅɪɴgs, ʙᴀᴄᴋᴅʀᴏᴘpɪɴg tʜᴇ sleaziest excesses ᴏꜰ Aᴍᴇricᴀɴ culture. In ᴀɴ ᴀᴛtempt ᴛᴏ ʙʀɪɴɢ sᴏᴍᴇ culture ᴛᴏ tʜɪs wᴏʀld, ᴏɴe YouTuʙᴇr tried ᴛᴏ stᴀɢᴇ a ᴏɴe-mᴀɴ perꜰᴏʀmᴀɴce ᴏꜰ Hamʟᴇᴛ—ʙᴜᴛ ǫᴜɪᴄᴋly ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ Los Sᴀɴᴛᴏs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ a ᴄɪᴛʏ hostile ᴛᴏ a ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ Shakespᴇᴀʀiᴀɴ flᴀɪʀ.
Spotted by Kotaku, GTA Online player Rustic Mascara took to the game's public lobbies to "re-appropriate the world of GTA as a space for meditative existentialism through performance and poetry".
Mascara is, of course, immediately gunned down by a random player. But as he returns to give it another go, so too does his would-be assailant, who seems more receptive to his performance. A few lines in, however, and another heckler steps in to stop the show with a rocket launcher.
Not to be phased by defeat, Mascara tries again—this time, at the Vinewood Bowl, partying up with a friend to bring a little more dynamism to his performance. He even sends messages to other players in an attempt to draw a crowd. This is, by all means, a full theatrical production.
And then the cops show up.
Within moments, the crowd (formed of two onlookers) has already started a fight with itself, before turning its ire onto the performers. Nevertheless, Mascara and co continue, even as the roughhousing attracts an armed police presence that forces the actors to pull out their own sidearms.
Theatre may have many languages, but GTA only speaks the language of violence.
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